Pleasure Over Matter - Chapter 1 - camilazare (2024)

Chapter Text

"This isn't the right one." He sighed as he took the hoodie from your hands with only one of his own, making the disregard known.

"Oh sh*t, I'm sorry. You said black, huh? I'll go get it." You began, opening the car door as soon as you realized, like you hadn't had any other purpose but to please him.

"No, just...get back in, It doesn't matter. I don't want to be out all night. Early practice."

He always explained what needed no explanation. Like you were so much lesser than him you wouldn't figure it out yourself.

"You don't have to give me a ride, I'm sorry. I'll call an Uber or somethi-" you kept the door ajar, looking over to him, the statement was genuine since it wouldn't be the first time.

"Stop. Drop it." He clenched his jaw, harshly and vengefully starting the car.

"Okay, sorry." The door shut softly and apologetically.

"Jesus Christ, give me a break." He threw his head back in annoyance, "Can you stop with the "im sorry" sh*t? Seriously y/n, just shut the f*ck up." He looked anywhere but your face as he cut you with his words.

you took the metaphoric bloodied knife from his hand and wiped it off, catching yourself from saying "sorry" again.

The car ride back to your house was silent, no radio, no conversation, no noise. Well, aside from the sounds of you crying but you tried your best to keep those mute too, catching the tears before they fell on your lap as evidence. Oikawa didn't even bat an eye.

This was your life you supposed.

After a grueling fifteen minutes you reached your house. However, you wouldn't have known if you hadn't felt the car come to a stop, one without ease, because your neck was craned and cemented, head looking down at your lap. You felt so...small.

"We're here. Get out." He whispered, his eyes were laser focused forward on distant headlights and his body was seemingly made of cement too.

Refer back to lines ten to twelve for an analysis of his last statement. He never failed at an opportunity, that's something anyone could agree with. In fact it's one part of him you used to admire, that was before seeing the duality of the sword.

He didn't try to care that you had been crying the whole way home...He didn't try to care about you.

"I don't know how to please you, Tooru..." the words scratched at your swollen throat once your sobs had ceased.

"That's easy." He trailed into another statement with the push of his shifter, recognizing this was going to take longer than the few seconds he had hoped and anticipated. "You won't."

His hand was still on the wheel though, making sure not to give the idea he didn't want to get the hell out of here after things were over, a subconscious, yet overbearing way to rush you also.

That was the first answer with any thought to it that he had said in a long time. That made you uneasy, and how ridiculous it was made something inside you snap. You had to pause and just look at him for a while, wondering if he genuinely was being serious. His ego was massive but never had it caused anger of this degree to ensue inside you.

"Do you even hear yourself? That is such bullsh*t." You slammed the inside of the car door with an open hand, feeling a dull ache shortly after, this was the only thing all night that had grabbed a fraction of his attention. "You're not even trying! I try so hard- harder than you ever have, harder than anyone ever will for your dumb ass."

"Y/n..." he sounded exhausted, as if he knew true exhaustion, that was more your area of expertise.

"No, no, you need to come back down to f*cking earth, where the rest of us live, and realize you're not special Tooru. People practically f*cking bowing down at your feet- me bowing down at your feet? it's insane, You are insane."

You had never had the courage to say something like this, you didn't even know what you were saying to be transparent. You were just letting the months' worth of blood spill from your lips that had accumulated from biting your tongue so many times.

"Y/n." His voice was stricter and it irked you.

"I'm- i'm patient, I am so patient. I'm so understanding- I understand everything, and even if I don't I act like I do. the word yes doesn't even sound real to me anymore because of how much I f*cking say it. Anything you want you get, Tooru. For f*cks sake, I'm here right now because of you! Just for you to say- to say I won't ever please you? What do you want then?! What could you possibly want that I won't do for you?! I-I bend over backwards, I... I get that you've been strug-"

"Y/n!" He yelled. "Get out."

You stared at him in disbelief as your head began to shake from left to right, a saline taste finding the tip of your tongue as you licked your lips.

"f*ck you." You complied for the last time. You got out of his car as fast as you could, not wanting to hear another word. "Don't ever f*cking talk to me again. I mean it."

You had to make sure but, ultimately, he knew you meant it, you could see the way the muscles in his biceps tensed while his calloused grip choked the steering wheel harder. You never put up a fight against him. Now that you had, it was something so out of the ordinary he knew you couldn't be bluffing.

And as soon as the slam of his car door rattled the neighborhood he was gone.

Your heart ached. Not in the way people just say that, but in the way that you could feel your heart strain in your chest. Like every single muscle around it was spent beyond repair, accompanying a pit that had started to hallow out your gut. You stood there for minutes wondering if your legs were still strong enough to make the short walk up your driveway. You had been knocked all the way down to square one, these next steps were to be your first after running off the fuel of appeasem*nt for so long.

half a year of your life waiting at Oikawa's beck and call, being the perfect girl he deserved just for it to dawn on you in a split second that...he didn't deserve jack sh*t. A whole year you wasted on him, for him. What started over a dumb hoodie had suddenly unraveled into the disheveled end of your relationship, this time you were sure.

And unraveled it should stay, a heap of threads that had been lifeless far before its demise. With frayed ends and stains now broken apart from one big imperfection to the minute details that could never bleach out. Still painfully identifiable. Because even through the pain you couldn't help but feel like...you were free, the garments that trapped you were defeated, that's how you knew to carry on.

Pleasure Over Matter - Chapter 1 - camilazare (2024)

FAQs

What does "pleasure over matter" mean in Frank Ocean? ›

“Pleasure over matter,” Frank sings, affirming our idea that sex has not only opened his mind but has eclipsed his thoughts. The delivery of these two verses is a feature unto itself, too.

What does MoM stand for in Poe? ›

Mind Over Matter (often referred to as MoM) is a keystone passive skill that allows the character's mana to absorb a portion of the damage dealt to life. It is an essential part of the Mana before Life defensive technique.

What is the meaning behind pleasure over matter? ›

The phrase “pleasure over matter” encapsulates a concept where sensory pleasure is prioritized above intellectual or spiritual pursuits. It speaks to the human condition, wherein you often grapple with the choice between immediate gratification and the more abstract gratification that comes from discipline and growth.

What does a good sense of pleasure mean? ›

the state or feeling of being pleased. Synonyms: gladness, delectation, happiness. enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one's liking; gratification; delight.

What does Bo mean in Poe? ›

A po' boy (also po-boy, po boy derived from the non-rhotic southern accents often heard in the region, or poor boy) is a sandwich originally from Louisiana. It traditionally consists of meat, which is usually roast beef, ham, or fried seafood such as shrimp, crawfish, fish, oysters, or crab.

What does the R in mother stand for? ›

Mother ~ M Stands for Magnificent, O Stands for Outstanding, T Stands for Tender, H Stands for Honorable, E Stands for Extraordinary, R Stands for Remarkable. Happy Mother's Day!!

What is General's Cry Poe? ›

General's Cry is a warcry skill that taunts nearby enemies, and summons a number of mirage warriors from nearby corpses based on the power of nearby enemies and corpses. Mirage warriors deliver an exerted attack once with the linked trigger skill then disappear.

What is pink matter brain? ›

The “pink” refers to the English idiom of something being “in the pink”, meaning “in good health”. This is combined with grey matter, commonly used to describe the brain or your “thinking ability”. Therefore, Pinkmatter is all the healthy and rosy brainpower that we all have.

What does mind over matter is magic mean? ›

idiom. used to describe a situation in which someone is able to control a physical condition, problem, etc., by using the mind.

What is Frank enjoyment? ›

1. Open and sincere in expression; straightforward: made several frank remarks about the quality of their work. 2. Clearly manifest; evident: frank enjoyment.

What is the meaning of sensory pleasure? ›

Sensory pleasure occurs when our bodies reduce or eliminate a negative state such as pain or cold, resulting in a pleasant state. In other words, sensory pleasure is elicited when a motivation or internal trouble is satisfied. For instance, sexual pleasure, satisfying hunger and thirst, or removing painful states.

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